12 valid reasons for not coming to work

This is posted at Indiatimes :)

Every weekday feels like a Monday — and you don't want to go to work! Have you run out of ideas (read alibis) to give to your boss? Don't fret, here are some new ones that can get you instant leave. Warning: To be tried at your own risk. 1. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK? 2. When I got up this morning, I took two glasses of Isabgol in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the toilet, but I feel good about it. 3. My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it. 4. I can't come to work today because the municipal corporation has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation. 5. If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today. 6. I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet.... 7. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down. 8. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about Bunty and Babli, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with watching a DVD, but thank you for calling. 9. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb. 10. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information. 11. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled. 12. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.